Purpose

The purpose of this blog is to be an outlet for my self-expression. In the beginning, the purpose was to share thoughts of metaphysical nature. However, it has now become an outlet for my observations of humanity, a place to share my poetry (a big step for me), and a place to have voice. My poetry is often dark, introspective, and brutally honest. I write for myself then I make it available for others to see. If I wrote with an audience in mind, I wouldn't be as open and honest. I feel that most of us are afraid of the truth - the truth of who we are and how we really feel. We mask our true feelings until we don't recognize them for what they are. We hide from things we don't want to see until we no longer see them, whether it is a homeless person we pass on the street or the faces and suffering behind the food on our plates. This is a place for honesty. Of course, there is some restraint. Although I can have quite a colorful vocabulary, the colors will not be so bright here :). Anyway, the point is that I am drawn to going below the surface and looking deeper. Personally, I have many layers, and one could spend a lifetime trying to peel them. I rarely share my thoughts and feelings with others. Some would say I'm "quiet", while some may think I never shut up. LOL. I don't want to bring anyone down with what I write. I love my fellow earthlings :)!

Understanding for the Misunderstood

I know what it’s like feel invisible
To speak and not be heard
To be dismissed and ignored
I know what it’s like to feel like a freak
Because no else believes as you do
Or sees as you do
Feels as you do
I know what it’s like to be angry at the world
To feel that love and compassion is gone
Because there is so much confusion, hatred and violence
I know how it feels
To be a stranger in this world
To wonder if you belong here
Why you belong here
To disappear because no one sees you
To lose your voice because no one hears you
You want to shake the world by its shoulders
You want to scream your repressed truth
You want to heal and love the forgotten
You want to be understood
You are not alone

Self Destruction

I was reading this article http://www.pacificfreepress.com/content/view/1175/81/, and I thought about how I've been feeling for years - It may take a major disaster to open the eyes of human beings. We have gotten so far away from nature that we don't even think of how our actions affect other beings. Speciesism is destroying us. Although is very important that bees are dying, I think this issue has gotten attention only because bees are our slaves. We use them for honey, and if there isn't any honey, someone won't be making money. We think of a species' importance is based on our direct dependence on them. As the article mentions, all species are interdependent, but we don't always make the connection. Human beings seem to think everything exists for their use/enjoyment. We have lost the connection with nature and our environment, so when something happens that we don't like, we have no idea why it happened. These are some of the things human beings do:

• We feed our babies the milk of other species and continue to feed it to them after they should have weaned and we drink it too
• Kill BILLIONS of animals for no f**king reason other than they "taste good"
• Torture the animals we kill, and force them to live unnatural lives that deny them basic needs like sunshine, the need to move, and companionship
• Rape the earth of her resources to make our toys (cars or whatever) run
• Genetically modify and engineer plants without wanting to notify the public and without consideration to how other species are affected
• Put money above everything, including the truth
• Get so disconnected from our bodies that we don't believe our emotions affect our health
• Dissect everything including our food so we don't even think of whole foods. We think of proteins, carbs, calcium, etc.
• Take manufactured drugs to repress our symptoms of sickness rather than allow our bodies to purge and heal themselves

You know, this list could go on forever. However, the point is we humans end up hurting ourselves and others the more we distance ourselves from nature.

Life and Death

Two people I know have recently died from breast cancer. I didn't know either of these women very well, but I knew their faces, their voices, and their spirits. I didn't know they had cancer until they died. As I look at the program from the funeral of the one who most recently died, I ask myself, what would anyone write about my life? What am I doing? How am I affecting my community? My contributions to this world can not be seen easily. I haven't created any organizations; I'm not a member of any churches or any spiritual organization; I'm not even doing much in my neighborhood. Am I doing enough in this life to make a difference in other lives?

Another thing about the deaths of these two women is that they seemed very health conscious. Why are so many health conscious people dying? I wonder sometimes if it is over commitment. I am normally a healthy person, but as I am currently recovering from a cold, I realize how slow the healing process has been. I haven't been at home resting like a good girl. I was out doing laundry and buying groceries, and yesterday I went to dance class and washed my hair. Not only that, I had to deal with stress. This is how I got sick in the first place - not getting enough rest or taking care of myself. I know people with such big hearts. They give so much of themselves to others, but seldom have time to give energy to themselves. Sometimes I am one of those people, and I try not to make commitments unless I truly feel I can follow through.

I think people also harbor negative thoughts and emotions that become cancerous. Have you ever met someone that had emotions stuck in their body? It is difficult to describe, but I've seen it. Unresolved issues and unexpressed feelings have nowhere to go, so they build up inside of us and become poisons. If you are reading this and that sounds familiar, don't let this happen to you. Take stress seriously. Speak your truth. You are important.

Full View

I can’t hide in full view
No privacy
No solace
I just want to walk into a corner
And disappear into the shadows
My pain has nowhere to go
So it settles in my body; on my face
And I have to lift my eyes to greet you
The healer needs healing
But everyone is needy
The patients are pulling
They need interaction, attention
Something
I can’t hide now
I have an image to maintain
Not one I asked for, but one I was given
But my muscles can’t move my lips to smile
Sadness becomes resentment
Resentment becomes anger
And it has nowhere to go
So it settles in my body and becomes poison
And I have to lift my eyes to greet you