Lessons on Grief

I haven't posted in years. Motherhood, especially single motherhood, takes a lot of my time and energy. However, it is the most rewarding role I have.

 A lot has happened in my life recently. Two months ago, both my father and my cat died. However, since my last post, my sister, my nephew, and my uncle died as well. With the exception of my uncle, they we young. My sister was in her early fifties, and her son was in his thirties. There was never any closure for me in the form of a wake or a funeral. I hadn't seen either of them in years, but I spoke to my sister often and asked a lot about my nephew since he often moved around. Both of them died in November - the same month my mother died. 

My father broke the mold by dying in May. My cat died a week later. It's been a couple of months, but I am still dealing with my father's affairs. Every time I do it, it feels like reopening a wound. Although, I don't forget what has happened, dealing with his estate is a direct reminder of his death. Going home every day and not seeing my cat there is a constant reminder of her death. Her things are still everywhere in my apartment and now my father's belongings are too. Death is all around me it seems. 

I returned to work after the funeral and never took any time for myself to process all that had happened. I was also dealing with some issues with my daughter and her school. I was emotionally slammed and not doing my best physically. I haven't slept well in months. I was constantly dealing with handling my father's estate and trying to get through each day at work while my co-workers were on vacation. I held off on taking time off to go to probate court and handling other matters because my team was short-staffed at work. After waiting until everyone was back, I requested time off and was chastised for it. I also had emergency childcare issues and had no real choice in the matter, but even if I didn't, my team members knew I was putting off important matters because we were short-staffed at work. It was the first thing to really set off my anger.

Not many people knew of the deaths in my family, but some who learned, said some of the following:

• It will get better with time (who the fuck asked you anyway?!)
• Are you going to get another one? (regarding my cat)
• Think happy thoughts (don't tell me what to think)
• Are you still grieving?? (it just fucking happened. Of course I'm still grieving!)
• Are you going to get a replacement? (cat)

This is some of the most insensitive shit anyone has said to me. I've learned throughout the years how uncomfortable grief makes people feel. People seem to be in a rush for me to move on when I've barely had time to just let myself FEEL. After a while, it starts to seem that everyone is walking around emotionally numb. Grieving is something they seem to think happens only evenings and weekends - certainly not during work hours and not after the funeral is over.

This made me think of the way human beings find ways to numb their pain rather than cure the cause of it. Today, I have been close to tears dealing with a terrible pain in my left arm. It's been going on for days, but it was particularly awful today. The common response to my telling others is, "Did you take anything for it?" There is nothing wrong with getting relief for pain. It is being compassionate to yourself I think. However, I would rather feel pain until the cause of it is eliminated. 

I chose to have a completely natural childbirth (I know that is not a choice for everyone) because I wanted to feel and experience the whole process and I didn't want to do anything that could potentially affect my baby negatively. I told myself that I was built to be able to give birth to a child, and I could handle the pain.  I may have a high tolerance for pain, but I think all pain has purpose. Pain is a messenger, and it seems to me that people only want to silence it. Temporary relief is not the same as a cure. Pain, whether physical or emotional, is uncomfortable. Grief is uncomfortable. Responding to a grieving person is uncomfortable, but maybe they don't need your words all the time. Maybe your ears and your heart are enough. Sometimes, a hug may be needed. Just don't deny a person's current experience because you don't know how to deal with it. 

Being in the Present (Orginally written December 2011)

Well, it is my first time submitting a blog entry this year, and the year is almost over! It's kind of funny. I have considered creating the blog devoted to the wisdom and lessons I learn from my now three-year-old daughter. I find I can easily see amazing life lessons as I try to teach her. A couple of days ago, she, my father, and I went to downtown DC to see the Christmas trees close to the White House. In the beginning, she was excited and enjoying herself. The next moment, she kept saying she wanted to the see the Christmas trees (they were still there in front of us), and that she didn't want to go home. For a number of reasons, I was frustrated and irritable, so I impatiently reminded her that we had not left yet. She was crying and sad when what she wanted was right there in front of her. She was so busy concentrating on what she didn't want, that she couldn't appreciate what she had.

Today, it was my turn to learn the lesson. I was taking my daughter to see a play (it was her first time seeing one), and I was fighting all my feelings to not go.  It was pouring rain, we were running late, and we were walking and using public transportation.  It would have been nice to relax at home. However, after all we went though to get the tickets, I thought we should go.

As we walked down the street to get to the Metro station, I kept thinking that we would never make it to the play on time. Her tiny toddler sized feet were no match for my quick, long strides. She looked at everything around her, but she never looked in front to see where she was going. I was holding her hand, my purse, a bag, and an umbrella while rushing. My daughter was fascinated by the puddles of water and the water dropping on the grass, and it occurred to me that she had not really been out in the rain before. Usually, when we went somewhere, we running from the house into a car - not really walking in the rain much and certainly not playing in it. I realized that I had no control of when we arrived to see the play, and I couldn't make her walk any faster. I knew that I had to surrender to the moment as she was doing. She was enjoying the beauty around her. She was completely present; I had been thinking of our future. I relaxed during the rest of the trip, and we were late but still able to see the play. She really enjoyed it. It is amazing how much wisdom a three-year-old can have.

Mumps outbreak spreads among people who got vaccinated against mumps

Originally published February 11 2010

Mumps outbreak spreads among people who got vaccinated against mumps

by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, NaturalNews Editor

(NaturalNews) To hear the vaccine pushers say it, all the recent outbreaks of mumps and measles are caused by too few people seeking out vaccinations. It's all those "non-vaccinated people" who are a danger to society, they say, because they can spread disease.

Reality tells a different story, however: It is the vaccinated people who are causing these outbreaks and spreading disease!

Just this week, an outbreak of mumps among more than 1,000 people in New Jersey and New York has raised alarm among infectious disease authorities. The outbreak itself is not unusual, though. What's unusual is that the health authorities slipped up and admitted that most of the people infected with mumps had already been vaccinated against mumps.

In Ocean County, New Jersey, county spokeswoman Leslie Terjesen told CNN that 77 percent of those who caught mumps had already been vaccinated against mumps.

77 percent of those infected had been vaccinated

Usually this information is censored out of the press. The vaccine industry wants the public to believe that vaccines are effective at preventing infection. So the media typically refrains from reporting what percentage of the infected people were already vaccinated against the infectious disease.

But in this case, the 77 percent figure slipped out. And now intelligent observers are increasingly seeing the truth about these vaccines:

• Infectious disease vaccines simply don't work. If they did, then why did all these children who were already vaccinated still get mumps?

• Vaccines may actually increase your risk of disease. Notice that far more vaccinated children were stricken with mumps than non-vaccinated children?

• The people who administer vaccines never tell you that their vaccines don't really work. They tell you that you'll be "protected" with the vaccine, implying a near-100% level of protection (which is blatantly false).

• Even if you're vaccinated against a disease, you may still catch that disease anyway! So what's the point of the vaccine?

The lies of the CDC

The CDC claims the mumps vaccine is 76 to 95 percent effective, but they offer no scientific evidence whatsoever to support that claim. To date, there has never been a randomized, double-blind placebo-controlled study published on the mumps vaccine in humans. The so-called "scientific" evidence supporting these vaccines is purely imaginary.

I still have a $10,000 reward offered for anyone who can provide a single scientific study proving the safety and effectiveness of any H1N1 vaccine (http://www.naturalnews.com/027985_H...). To date, not a single person has stepped forward to claim that $10,000. I might as well raise the reward to a million dollars, because I'll never have to pay it: There is no scientific evidence proving the safety and effectiveness of these vaccines!

Does being vaccinated raise your risk of infection?

The CDC also says that 2009 was a bad year for mumps outbreaks. They blame all the people who refuse to be vaccinated for causing these outbreaks. Their theory, of course, is based on the imaginary idea that mumps vaccines halt mumps infections. But once again, it's all imaginary! As we saw this week in New Jersey, most of the people who get infected in these outbreaks are the very people who were vaccinated!

If mumps vaccines actually worked, then what you should see instead is the mumps infection spreading among those who refused the vaccines, right? It's only logical.

In fact, if vaccines really work, then why should the vaccinated people be bothered at all by those who don't get vaccinated? After all, if their vaccines protect themselves from disease, then non-vaccinated people are no threat to them, right? So why are vaccinated people so pushy about forcing non-vaccinated people to get vaccinated?

The shocking truth about infectious disease and vaccines, however, is very different from what you're told by the drug companies (and the health authorities who pander to their interests): Some vaccines may actually promote the very diseases they claim to prevent!

That may be why 77% of those who recently got mumps in New Jersey were, in fact, the very people who were vaccinated against mumps. The vaccine may, in fact, weaken your immune system against future infections, causing you to become more susceptible to future outbreaks.

Many thousands of Americans who died from H1N1 swine flu were the very people who got vaccinated against H1N1 (http://www.naturalnews.com/027956_H...).

The great vaccine hoax exposed

Take a look at nearly every outbreak of infectious disease in recent years and you'll find the same pattern. You'll either see that most of those who got infected were already vaccinated, or you'll see those statistics completely stripped out of all media reports.

It's all part of the grand vaccine cover-up. Vaccines simply do not work as promised. Vaccines do not offer the level of protection against infectious disease that they promise. In fact, vaccines are far less effective than vitamin D in preventing infections!

Instead of shooting up our children with over 100 different vaccines (which is now standard practice, by the way), what we should be doing is boosting their immune function with vitamin D, zinc and immune-boosting nutrients from medicinal plants. That would protect them from all common infectious diseases at the same time, and it doesn't require needles or the use of dangerous chemical preservatives like thimerosal, which is linked to autism.

Don't believe the recent attacks on Dr. Wakefield. This was an organized smear campaign designed to discredit Dr. Wakefield before he could publish the results of his "14 monkeys" study that shows severe neurological harm caused by vaccines given to young primates (http://www.naturalnews.com/028109_A...).

There is a way to protect people from infectious disease: Give them the immune-boosting nutrients their immune systems need to defend themselves against disease. Outbreaks of infectious disease would plummet along with seasonal flu deaths.

Of course, so would sales of vaccines. And that's the whole reason you never hear health authorities recommending vitamin D even though it's far more effective than any vaccine at preventing infectious disease (http://www.naturalnews.com/027385_V...). The CDC, we now know, is little more than the marketing branch of Big Pharma's vaccine operations. That's why the former head of the CDC, Dr. Julie Gerberding, is now suddenly the president of Merck's worldwide vaccine division (http://www.naturalnews.com/027789_D...).

Vaccines make lots of money, but they don't make people immune to disease. The fact that so many vaccinated people are being stricken with the very diseases they were vaccinated against is proof that vaccines fail to deliver what they promise.

Sources for this story include:
http://edition.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/...

H1N1 vaccine liquidation sale now on: Hurry while supplies last!

H1N1 vaccine liquidation sale now on: Hurry while supplies last!

Just because I am generally interested in health, I couldn't resist posting this article by Djehuty Ma'at-Ra from Dherbs.com:

Smoking by Djehuty Ma'at-Ra

My research on cigarettes began in 1998. One day I called Brown and Williamson and personally requested a list of ingredients. Two weeks later I received the list and was blown away at how many ingredients go into the production of these symbolic phalluses that people put in their mouths. You know, it behooves me that people (smokers) could smoke a product that does not even list the ingredients on the package, but when you understand how many ingredients go into cigarettes, then it makes sense and becomes understandable why the ingredients are not on the box. There are over 700 ingredients in one single cigarette, including a new strain of genetically engineered tobacco with a nicotine level ten times higher in potency than regular nicotine; caffeine, sugar, salt, rum, alcohol, codeine, menthanol (rocket fuel), and uric acid (yes, they even use piss or pee). Most smokers don't know it, but the cigarette papers are dipped in opium (the true addictive agent of cigarettes). However, one ingredient among the other 700+ really stands out. This ingredient is "Civet Cat Absolute." Now what in the hell is civet cat absolute? Well, as a researcher, I did the research and was shocked and amazed to find out that civet cat absolute is an umbrella term for a liquid that is obtained from the rectum of the civet cat. What is this ingredient used for? One reason is that it is a pheromone. Pheromone affects behavior in certain mammalian species. Why does pheromone have to be in cigarettes? Your guess is as good as mine. Every time you put a cigarette into your mouth, symbolically you are placing a white male phallic symbol into your mouth. It's a power thing. Yes, cigarettes represent the white male phallus (cigars represent the black man's phallus). Cigarettes were created in part by Sigmund Freud's nephew in a campaign to make women feel liberated and powerful. Watch the awesome DVD entitled "Hijacking Humanity" available from MeanMore.com which has a segment on cigarettes and why they were created. Women smoking cigarettes had to do with power or the illusion of power. Power as viewed on the mundane realm is a male attribute. And gosh darn, women fell for the trap created for them! But after all, that was the plan (make women feel liberated by doing an act that males were privileged of doing). In addition to the power thing, cigarettes also help women to lose weight by impairing the appetite. Why is 'Virginia Slims' brand cigarettes marketed exclusively to women under the slogan, "It's a woman thing?" Because subliminally, the the underlying and subliminal message is: "Virginia (a female name) is slim (skinny)." The subliminal message (to women) is that 'Virginia Slims' can help you stay slim by smoking this particular brand. You see, obesity, weight loss, being thin or slim is a female preoccupation in this country, hence the slogan, "It's a woman's thing." Cigarette smoking is insalubrious. Statistics show that most smokers in the U.S. are poor and make less than $14,000.00 per year, a few thousand dollars under the national poverty line or level. "He who smokes is a walking billboard advertising himself as fool to the world!" For the sake of our environment and human health, especially our youth - stop being a weakling and bumbling idiot who smokes. No one put a gun to your head and forced you to smoke. So why did you choose to smoke knowing full well that smoking is dangerous and causes cancer and other pathologies? The law of reciprocity is nowhere to be found in smoking cigarettes or anything else. It is a foolish act no matter how harsh and callous my words are. Smoking is a very stupid thing to do, but government allows you to do and will continue to do so due to all the money government makes on of cigarette sales via the taxes on the poisonous product. If the cigarette industry closed tomorrow, billions of dollars would be lost. Here's an assignment I have for you. From now on, I want you to consciously watch or look for smoking scenes in every movie you watch. I have been doing this for years and it is true that 99% of movies have or include smoking scenes. Why do I bring this up? Because it was reported that Hollywood was part of a deal that would allow cigarette companies to advertise cigarettes on the big screen and not on the small screen (television). Cigarette companies were once allowed to make and air television commercials (back in the 1940's-1960's) but the cigarette industry came under fire for getting young people hooked on their poisonous product. Menthol brands of cigarettes were made specifically for Black Americans who were smoking for nerves problems due to stress. Smoking was a social thing for most Whites, but for Black people it was a stress reliever for the stresses of life than came along with being Black. The chemical 'Menthol' works on the lungs by numbing the lungs. The lungs are the seat of emotions so by smoking menthol cigarettes a smoker was numbing his/her emotions at the expense of risking cancer and ultimately death. Statistics reveal that more than 400,000 people die yearly from smoking related illnesses. Watch the movie "Thank You For Smoking" which is a great movie about the cigarette industry and their ploy to get people to smoke their product by way of influence. It's really a great movie. Another good movie on the cigarette industry is the movie "The Insider" starring Al Pacino and Russell Crowe. Cigarette smokes impairs the human aura. Dherbs.com Psychic Attack Aura Spray can help repair damaged auras due to cigarette smoke. To break cigarette and nicotine addiction, I recommend folks first perform the Full Body Detox, followed by the Substance Abuse Cleanse, and lastly the Respiratory Cleanse and Regimen. Lobelia tea is a great tea to drink while detoxing from smoking due to a similar nicotine-like effect on the body without the actual harmful effects of nicotine as well as the addictive properties of nicotine. Licorice Root tea is another tea that is good to drink while overcoming cigarette addiction. Hops, Magnolia Bark, and Wild Lettuce are also good herbs to help with healing from unwise cigarette smoking. I also recommend performing the Sea Salt Soak (see article on our website in Article category) Thank you for reading! This article is compliments of Dherbs.Com and Djehuty Ma'at-Ra Additional articles by Djehuty available @ www.dherbs.com/articles.